TanNeyNey had a frequent customer named Crayg that she was getting sweet on, he had all the fixens such as that hot carrot orange goatee and the longest crinkled mullet for miles. It didn’t hurt things that Crayg had the fanciest carnie camper out of everyone. His even had a blow up plastic couch and the commode had its own room, no more dark nights spent at the outjohn.
TanNeyNey liked to go to Craygs and drink his PBR out of that real nice laced up leg shot glass that he ordered from The Christmas Story Out let. Crayg lets all the ladies drink out of that shot glass especially when he’s trying to get lucky and cause he don’t want them drinking too much of his beer on account of he works hard being the head carnie. He likes to get them good and drunk and goozy because he allows that when they pass out in the Kia he borrows from his Aunt Mury Jane he’ll take them down to Mud Ho ller if they hant no count and leave them in the pig stile. Then he rides off with his seat laid back as far as he can get it like he’s big pimpin. But if them ladies are hot-to-trot, Crayg will put on an extry splash of that fancy Old Spice perfume and tilt his FUBU hat sideways and drive with only one arm to demonstrate his coolness.
Sometimes he wears a fake gold tooth to really do it up right. Once he gets the hot to trot ladies all drunk & goozy, he takes them back to his love shack carnie camper and lets them sit on his blow up furniture that his lubed up with baby oil for that extra sheen look. Sometimes Crayg will look at them hot-to-trot ladies and think to himself “I bet she’s as juicy as a freshwater clam” before he unleashes his stank breath and commences to go see his Aunt Mury Jane every other Friday on pay day ‘cause Lil Ceaser’s don’t pay good.
Once he gets him another loan from his Aunt Mury Jane, Crayg sets himself up a date with a hot-to-trot ol gal named Parsley (don ’t hurt that she’s a distant cousin to Mable and TanNeyNey) and greases up the plastic blow up couch. Crayg get a little piss y when Parsley greases up the blow up couch cause she sometimes blows holes right through it and he has to donate plasma to g et a patch kit to repair it. But Crayg has him a severe weakness for that Parsley and every time he sees her, he gets that same look on his face that he got back when he saw his very first Camaro.
Once that happens, Crayg keeps his job long enough to take her to the finest restaurant in town “The Bonanza” and orders up them a salad bar to split cause he found out that Pa rsley was recently kicked out of the Ryan’s for too many trips to the salad bar and he ain’t havin’ his hot-to-trot women take a walk to the heftyset side of life…not while they’re trying to sit on his blow up plaskit furniture cause he was startin to look like a herion addict for donating plasma to buy the patch kits. And seeing that Crayg is the head carnie in charge (when he aint making pizzas down at the Lil Caesar’s), he can’t have people thinking he’s addicted to that heroine.
After he takes Parsley to The Bonanza, he likes to run to the shitter and lose a couple pounds, then brush his mullet up real snazzy like a nd then they hop in the Kia and cruise down hamburger lane and listen to some Limp Bizquit. Now Crayg thought ol Parsley was a real looker, but he was still kinda sweet on ol TanNeyNey and couldn’t stop thinking bout the time they shared that corndog and funnel cake with a Pepsi outside the bearded ladies tent as they sang to “I tickled Nancy” while Crayg plotted how to f ind out if TanNeyNey’s carpet really matched her curtains cause he liked the o-naturawl look.
TanNeyNey didn’t have that fres h o-naturawl look about her, but Crayg couldn’t nary afford to pay her in tokens anymore and he was wanting to find out if he r shit matched or not, so he done cooked up a plan: Crayg got one of his Carnie buddies to install them there hunting trail c ams in the porto-shitters at the carnie and low and behold after a few days, TanNeyNey finally done stepped into the right po rta-shitter!!!
As she squatted over & commenced to losing her about 5 pounds, Mable done came running like her ass was on far and knocked over the porto-shitter she was headed for and then it caused the domino effect. Poor TanNeyNey was stuck inside that shitter screaming & squallin like she’d done seen a haint.
Shit was sloshing everywhere and the porto-shitter fell to where the door was on the ground and TanNeyNey was trapped. Well, that hunting trail camera was working fine and dandy, despite all the shit sloshed over the lens and it took a perfectly good picture of TanNeyNey’s eyes bout to bug outta her head whils t she screamed and squalled like a stuck pig in mud. Bout that time Crayg had done seen the event take place and went to get his swiss army knife to cut TanNeyNey out the shitter. Meanwhile Mable got scaret and left town, shitty drawers and all.