Azalea finally left her falutin’ bike and went and bought a Pud Wagon with her can of change that she has been saving over the last few months. Horace decided he was gonna ask for Azalea’s hand in marriage but first he had to ask her momma so he lathered on the olive & pickle loaf and took off to her momma’s. When he arrived, her momma’s boyfriend named Wylie answered the door with much amazement of seeing such a package on a young man (not knowing that he had stuffed that pickle loaf in his undercarriage).
Well Momma could smell that lovely aroma right off the bat. Horace looked at her and ax Azalea’s momma if they could get married. Right away she said “hell yes now hand over that olive & pickle loaf. I knowd you been trying to butter me up for a while.” So the love birds went and packed all of her girlie shit in a zip-lock gallon size baggie and got in the pud wagan and went to look for a drive by church. Azalea’s momma wasn’t real happy about a drive by wedding she was afraid of folks getting shot up at the church she had done heard all about drive by’s on the TV so she told them to hold up and she’d have that wedding planned in a week.
And Boy did she go all fancy and shit. Azaleas mother done got her boyfriends brother’s wife’s preacher get the church for em. The church was in Dotey Town and was way back in the woods called Drawers. Libby (Azalea’s mom) went down to the Bargain Discount Cigarettes and Wedding Dresses store and found an elegant wedding dress hardly stained yellow from the smoke and the fat ass that wore it before. There were just a little grunge under the arm pits. Libby said “that hant nothing that Windex wont take care of”.
Next thing she had to do was find herself something real proper like to wear cause she was hoping to find herself a husband at the wedding too. So she picked herself out a real nice black laced dress with a big black hat with see thru lace to cover the face (dumb ass didn’t know it was a death dress). She said “So long Wylie I hant needen you no more”. She really only kept him around as long as she did cause he was real good at making shit out of broken down lawn furniture and selling it down at the flea market for a fat paycheck – well that and because he understood how serious it was when Libby was about to run out of beer & Shasta and he’d run down to the corner market like he was getting chased by a pack of fat chicks escaping from fat camp.
She knows that she hant going to miss trying to Windex them nasty old skid marks out of his whitey tighties. He would dance around in those whitey tighties like no mans bidness singing Elvis songs, just like there weren’t a thang wrong with a grown man having a bad case of the gummy ass.